Notes of Belonging: The Crossroads of Disagreement

by October Davis (Iota Chi, middle Tennessee state university), Associate director of volunteer and alumnae engagement  

Well … we don’t agree, so what now?  

Finding yourself in a place of disagreement with a sister or team member is difficult, but disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, regardless of whether it’s professional or personal. Disagreements can challenge you emotionally and physically, and even make you question your own sense of judgement.  

In those moments, it can be tempting to go your separate ways. However, separation as a solution can prevent all involved from experiencing growth, understanding and creative solutions that can emerge when you choose collaboration. You can continue moving forward after a disagreement – it is not a dead end. When you don’t see eye to eye, it’s important to meet at the crossroads to collaborate instead of driving off in different directions.  

Find common ground.  

Even in the midst of a disagreement, there is usually a place where you can find agreement, whether it is shared values, mutual goals or the desire to find resolution. If you’re having trouble finding that place, you can always come back to Alpha Chi Omega. We all believe in the importance of creating opportunities to connect, lead, grow and serve, so how can you work together to highlight those shared objectives?   

set clear boundaries.  

A great way to set boundaries during and after a disagreement is being clear about how you communicate and ensuring the discussion remains respectful. Boundaries can also apply to the emotional energy you invest in a disagreement. You can decide how much you are willing to invest in the conversation to protect your own well-being.  

By setting boundaries, you are protecting your mental and emotional health. It is your way to signal your willingness to engage and also acknowledging where your comfortability is.  

refLEct on how you show up.  

Take a moment to check in on yourself in the midst of a disagreement. It can be easy to focus on what the other person is doing wrong, but it’s just as important to reflect on your own behavior. Are you being open-minded? Are you focused on solving the problem at hand? Are you working toward your shared goal? Showing up ready to listen to understand and committed to finding a path forward can help you work through disagreements when they arise. 

focus on the bigger picture.  

It’s important for us to set our eyes on the bigger picture. When you zoom out, it can be easier to recognize that the disagreement might be a small part of the larger, more important objective. Doing so also allows you to remember the value of the relationship, which is often more significant than the issue. Prioritize long-term connection over short-term friction.  

Disagreements are going to happen, especially in spaces where you are working closely with others – and that’s OK! That is what makes us all special and ultimately makes our sisterhood stronger. When you meet at the crossroads of disagreement, you have the opportunity to collaborate even when you don’t agree. You may even agree to disagree; recognizing that you are different and still aren’t on the same page can be an acceptable outcome of a conversation. Use the crossroads as a stepping stone for growth as you make the decision to move forward together. Collaboration not only resolves disagreements; it strengthens relationships.  

Learn something valuable from this Note of Belonging? Want to share your thoughts or personal experience with belonging through your Alpha Chi Omega experience? Share your story now!